'Nuther Chance

So there's another house-to-rent chance. As of yet, it seems certain, but I am still wary and won't be quite at ease that we ARE going to rent it (even though both parties have said as much) until we sign papers. And that might not happen for a bit, because the landlords don't know when they are moving out exactly, but it'll be around 2 months from now.

Prayer that this would work out this time would be wonderful, and at the same time that I would not fret and worry as I am so wont to do! :) Trusting in God to provide materially and being *at peace* no matter what happens is something that seems to keep popping up in my daily life that I am more aware of than before.

To the ladies in partic: In a different vein, Luke has asked me to give the "chapel" talk to his 8th grade girls this week on biblical femininity. I really only have tomorrow to work on it, and although I've given it some thought, I still need some resources for things important for junior-high aged girls. I'm going to do an overview of what it should look like in young girls, and later during the year hit on some things to work on, something like that. Naturally, the Bible is where I'll start and end, but if there are any good blogs I could peruse or any quotes anyone has, or general advice, I'd love to look it over. Thanks!

New Horizons

That's a cliche title, but I feel like we're living cliche days . . . it's all happened before.

There's a home for rent that seems to be in our future, and if the Lord is willing we will be renting it in a mere few months!

We were "burned" earlier after accepting to rent a dream house. The circumstances of the burn are unimportant, but the gist is that we were crushed. At least I was. I know Luke was disappointed, but I was *crushed* when I heard it wasn't going to work.

As I said in my last post, God seems to be teaching and reminding us through disappointment and other random struggles that He is in control and we need to lean on Him for every big and little thing. Lots of "golden opportunities" seem to be waved beneath our noses, and we look around for any potholes, but when we step to reach for it, we sink a few inches, or feet as the case may be. We realize we forgot to say "please," and were snatching, rather than holding our hands open to be filled.

God gives freely, and we need to receive freely. Grabbing never gets you anywhere, ultimately, and certainly trying to hang on will lead to disappointment. But holding your hands open means God can give and take without scarring. God gives and takes, but the amount of pain depends on whether you trust Him to give you good things and more good things, or replace good things with great things.

Watching Beowulf bob his little blond head up and down as he struggles to hold it steady to look around the room while sprawled on his tummy on the floor reminds me how very much I love him and how very sad I'd be if anything happened to him. It reminds me of fears I had while pregnant, fears unfounded but nevertheless fears of things going wrong. It reminds me of fears I had during childbirth, and afterwards, and even now I still struggle with fear for him. I am constantly reminding myself to open my hands and keep giving my baby back to his Creator.

But through disappointments I've learned (or re-learned?) that better things have ALWAYS come from them. If something amazing you want or desire is taken away, something far better is found in its place. When an opportunity falls through, a far better door (or window or kitchen cupboard) is opened for you to walk through.

It's cliche, but it's true.

Babies babies babies....

That's the way my mind goes these days. :)

Or rather insert the name of my baby...no, I'm not telling! Someone was SHOCKED the other day when they discovered that Luke and I were the only ones who knew our baby's name. And that we hadn't told our parents yet. I think it is a really good idea to keep the name a secret for now. Besides, he'll be here any day!

Speaking of that, I had a doctor's appointment yesterday and things are going swimmingly! Baby is growing nicely (don't know just how big, but I'd say he's roughly 6-61/2 lbs...if not more!) and my body is doing the right things to prep for labor and delivery of the little man. My doctor wrote something down for her assistant "Here's a new acronym for you to know. BBW." The assistant said "Ooo, a new one for my book! What does it mean?" My doctor responded "Bulging bag of waters." And then she told me they could rupture on their own at any minute.

Meet me, the walking time bomb!

Random people are talking to me everywhere I go. A baby belly is an automatic conversation starter that you can't stop! So people just jump right in and ask how far along you are, when you're due, is it a girl or boy, what's the name, tell you that you haven't dropped yet (when you have, thank you very much), or that you'll drop 2-3 times (what?), and all sorts of good stuff like that. Sometimes I'm in the mood for it and cheerfully chat about my baby, but lately I've been tired and don't want people commenting on my body and passing on wisdom to me when they really don't know me from Eve. It really is great to see how women ARE made for taking care of children, they naturally are drawn to babies from even before they are born. But surely Miss Manners would have something to say about what you do and don't say to a pregnant woman?

Luke has been faithfully attending childbirth classes with me! It's so great to have his support, and he's made it a priority for us to be at every class we can before the baby is born. Tonight our class got to ask a lot of questions from one of the local pediatricians. If we didn't already have a family doctor in mind and if it didn't make more sense to us to go with a family practitioner who could take care of our whole family (and who is a Christian and recommended by two families we trust) we'd go with this pediatrician. He seemed very well balanced, careful to not tell us what to do as parents (even though a few parents asked questions that are more personal preferences and not medical concerns). It was good to get a view at what the local pediatricians are like, as well as be able to ask a doctor specific questions for advice and what he'd do in thus and such a circumstance.

Something that has been very encouraging, even though I've been more and more uncomfortable over the past week is that bearing a child and then giving birth to him is all a part of being a woman in this world. :) That may sound cheesy, and it may sound morbid for me to go to Genesis 3:16 and find comfort, but I do honestly take comfort in the fact that the discomfort and pain of the whole process is God-ordained. Sure, it's a result of the fall and a curse, but it's the part of the curse that I have to bear. Luke bears the curse daily, toiling for the herb of the field and for our bread, and I will willingly bear my part, which is bringing forth children "in pain".

Many times I wish I didn't have to, especially since I've never delivered a baby before and doubt my own strength. But God works all evil for good. I know even now He is using this fear of the pain to show me that He will make me strong in my weakness. I know I can't do this on my own, but I trust Him fully that He will bring me through, that the Lord will protect both the baby and I during the whole thing, and that I can lean on Him completely, letting go of my own will, wishes, and strength. AND that the only way this will work is if I trust God's perfect will.

This makes me remember a song Mom used to sing to my siblings and me when we were little:

Trust and obey,

For there's no other way

To be happy in Jesus

but to trust and obey.